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Couplehood...and How to Strengthen Bonds with Balanced Questions

After a few years in a relationship, it invariably happens... The questions in your head begin to wander to the “what ifs”, especially during difficult times.

That is natural for any couple. But something not-so-strange happens with some couples and they don't let these questions go, allowing the subconscious to dwell in searching for answers.....

You know what happens when you ask yourself a question over and over again?

You start coming up with answer to those questions. AND, if you've been feeling especially yucky as of late, those answers may have been colored by your mood... it can be a vicious cycle.

Think about the last time you innocently asked your partner, "are you ok?" and got a firing squad response... "no, no, I'm NOT ok and if you would just...." Yikes!!

I'm familiar with this pattern because I see it in the mirror - less and less these days. You see, I have trouble sleeping, and regardless of the steps I take to ensure that my awful mornings don't rub off on my family, sometimes, it just isn't enough, and my poor husband will ask me this very innocent question, and as he is the first human contact of my day, he will hear about it -- all of it... Usually the problem is not him, it's other people who I feel have too much influence in my life (not for the better), sometimes it is about the forever long construction we've been enduring, sometimes it is about the cats who think it's time to play at 3am...but none of it is really why I'm upset - well, maybe the cats - I'm actually just exhausted, and I've had WAY too much time to allow my subconscious to look for the cause of it all, which is silly because I know that sleep deprivation makes brain cells go all wibbly-wobbly, so really, it's JUST sleep, not ANY of the other things.... and it isn't good for our marriage....

So let's get some questions going that will actually help you move forward with dignity instead of falling into painful partner patterns!

  1. What can I do today that will begin to fix this problem?

  2. How can I support (my partner) through this difficult day/time?

  3. What did I first notice about (my partner) that made me feel a connection?

  4. How can I reconnect with (my partner) and discover new aspects of this person?

  5. What can I notice about (my partner) today that will delight me?

Write these on your bathroom mirror and read them every time you are in there for the next 10 days and see if you start to notice yourself feeling more compassionate towards your partner, more connected.

You can modify these questions, personalize them, make them your own. Read them, though.

Do not TRY to come up with answers. Just keep asking and you will come up with answers that feel spontaneous. These answers are not spontaneous. They are the truest, purest, best answers because they come from deep within you.

Trust yourself first.

Be well,


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